What if it didn't work?
by Erika-Cole
Summary: I'm sick of finding Sev Slash where the author's version is nothing like the 'real' Severus Snape, so this is what I think would happen if all the ridiculous plot devices HPxSS fic writers use happened to J.K.Rowling's Snape.


-1"Potter! What do you think you're doing?" Harry froze under the glare of the bat-like potions master.

"N-nothing sir!" He blurted too quickly. "Oh really? Turn around." Reluctantly Harry obeyed failing to tuck a scrap of parchment under his watch strap. Prof. Snape held out his hand and Harry, glaring back at Snape as hard as he could, set the scrap into it. "My, my Mr. Potter. It never ceases to astound me how multitalented you are. I must say however, your broomstick looks a little larger than perhaps it should. Are we compensating for something perhaps Mr. Potter? Because it'll need to be twice as big as that in order to make up for your abysmal potions grades." Snape flicked the Quidditch drawing onto Harry's desk and continued down the rows of tables to harass Neville. Harry leaned towards Ron, "Is that it? He's not going to give me detention?" Considering how red Harry's cheeks were, asking 'is that it' seemed a little bold. Ron just shrugged and went back to chopping asphodel roots. "I don't see why I should subject myself to misery because you cannot control your 'artistic urges' Mr. Potter. However if you really feel it necessary I will gladly arrange a detention for you. Otherwise, stop disrupting my class." As much as Harry desperately hated obeying Snape, he hated detention with Snape more and remained quiet for the rest of the class. "Alright, bring up your simple draughts and I'll have your grades for the next class. Mind you, I wouldn't be too hopeful after what I saw today." Snape sneered at the students as they filed past his desk to leave, all setting glass vials into the rack there.

"But I don't get it Ron! Why didn't he give me detention? He _always_ gives me detention." Ron shovelled another forkful of potatoes into his mouth and swallowed hard. Hermione flinched clearly thinking that wasn't good. "You're bloody bonkers mate!" He gasped finally. "How about enjoying your free evening instead of wondering why you have it."

"But don't you see Ronald? This is a change in Prof. Snape's behaviour. It could indicate that something has happened, maybe with the Order or…the other side." Hermione lowered her voice at the end trying not to attract attention. "Oh, come off it Hermione! Maybe Snape just wants a night to himself for a change instead of waiting on Harry finishing some essay or other." Both Harry and Hermione dubiously looked at Ron. "His sole purpose it to make me miserable Ron-" Hermione looked ready to object but Harry continued, "Why would he ever pass up a chance to get me alone and humiliate me for an hour?"

"Stop it! Ron's right Harry, you should just enjoy the time. If something important has happened I'm sure we'll hear about it soon enough from Dumbledore or Sirius." Hermione gave them a look that halted any objections. "Besides Harry, it's possible that he's still angry about what happened, y'know in your 'extra classes'?"  
"But why does that make him angry at me? I wasn't laughing at him. In fact I felt sorry for him!"

"Exactly Harry! A man like Snape does not enjoy being pitied, it makes him feel vulnerable. He's afraid that you'll tell someone else and then the whole school will know, they'll all be pitying him or laughing at him. He couldn't handle that the first time he was here."

"How can he think that little of me!? I know what it's like to be the source of that ridicule now more than ever. I was bullied at school too. I had to lie in a circle of Deatheaters while they taunted me and ridiculed me and my parents." Ron and Hermione had drawn away from Harry a little, while some of the students close by had leaned in to hear better, Seamus' tie was getting drenched in gravy. Harry hadn't even realised he had stood during his rant, gaining him looks from all across the room. Shaking his head he marched out of the Great Hall, Ron and Hermione following. No one noticed Snape leave the teacher's table, except Dumbledore.

"What the bloody hell was that all about?" Ron burst into the dormitory looking bewildered.

"Nothing Ron, it doesn't matter."

"It looked like it mattered downstairs."

"Ron, leave it." Still looking clueless, Ron allowed Hermione to drag him out by his elbow. Why do I hate it so much that he's angry at me? Harry couldn't figure it out. I suppose there's only one way to find out.

"Mr. Potter do I have to repeat yesterday's performance? If I didn't know better I'd swear you liked detention." Snape drawled unhappily setting an assessment sheet on Harry's desk and discovering him doodling again. "With all my heart, sir." Harry replied scathingly. Every pair of eyes snapped to him. "Potter, do not mistake your newfound level of stupidity for courage. I once knew a boy who made that very mistake every day of his short life." Snape glared hard at Harry and Harry knew he meant his father. "I would appreciate it Professor if you would refrain from insulting my father. Immaturity does not become you. What will you do next? Disrespect Seamus' mother?" The classroom gasped collectively as Harry did his best, which wasn't much, to copy Snape's smirk. Snape wasn't smirking now. His hand twitched as if it desperately wanted to grab his wand and the other was clenched so tight his knuckles had turned white. "A week of detentions Potter." He whispered, "And if you ever address myself or any other teacher like that again…" The sentence was left hanging as he swooped off to deliver the rest of the only-just pass grades to all but Malfoy and Hermione.

"ARE YOU MAD?" Ron bellowed, safely back in the Gryffindor common room.

"Just fine, Ron." Harry answered coldly, he knew his friends would only bite their tongues for so long. "I know what I'm doing so just drop it now." Ron gaped for a moment before storming off to the dormitory; probably to punch something before he punched Harry.

Now that the moment had come, Harry began to doubt his plan. If this all went wrong he still had six days of detentions with Snape. He coughed quietly as he opened the door. "Stop dallying Potter, get in here." Snape scowled across the room. Harry hurried in and sat at the desk directly in front of Snape's. Snape glanced at Harry before turning back to a pile of papers. "You will open your textbook to page three hundred and ninety-five and write out the method for the potion." Viciously scribbling on the page in front of him, Snape refused to look up at Harry until, after a moment of silence. "Er…sir? I don't have a textbook with me." Sighing, Snape glowered at Harry and reached under his desk. "Come here Potter." Harry was anxious as he approached, and Snape suddenly dropped a textbook onto the desk, precariously close to Harry's hand. "There. Get copying." Harry went to lift the textbook when his fingers grazed against the potion master's. Harry's stomach lurched. Snapping his head up to catch any reaction, Snape's only movement was to draw his hand quickly away from Harry. When he didn't return to his desk Snape looked up again. "Is there a problem Mr. Potter?" He growled through clenched teeth. "N…no sir." Opening the book Harry found the page Snape had told him. The potion in question was a powerful, and complicated, poison antidote. He flicked over to see where the method ended. "Sir! This is fifteen pages!"

"Then I suggest that you stop complaining and start writing." Snape snapped. Sighing, Harry started to write out the ingredients list. Two pages in, his hand was cramping, making it painful for him to write. He massaged his hand and, without meaning to, started talking to Snape. "Professor Snape, I know you really don't like me. It's not exactly a secret, but I think you do it for the wrong reasons." Harry looked up, Snape was still marking the homework in front of him. "I think you hate me more now because I saw my father and his friends tormenting you." Snape's grip tightened on his quill but he said nothing. "I don't know why, but I need you to know that I never laughed at you. I don't pity you either. I think I understand how you felt, I know what it's like to be tormented like that."

"Potter, have I ever given you reason to believe that I am emotionally open to you?"

"…No, sir."

"Do you ever see anyone coming to me when they need a shoulder to cry on?"

"No sir."

"Then why do you feel the need to unload your insignificant worries on me?"

"I-I-"

"Mr. Potter I will remind you that this is detention, not a counselling session for bleeding hearts. Now be quiet and continue your work." Snape stretched irritably, smoothed back his hair and continued marking looking strained.

"Should I even say anything?" Ron asked when Harry returned to their dorm, flopping onto his four-poster. "About what?"

"Why you deliberately got Snape to give you detention. Seriously mate, everyone's going to think you're a major attention seeker after that."

"Ron, trust me, detention with Snape does not fulfil the needs of an attention seeker. You sit being ignored for hours." Harry punched his pillow.

"I take it that means you didn't sort out what was bothering you?"

"No, Ron." Harry fell asleep almost immediately despite Ron continuing to question him and murmuring 'madman' every few minutes.

"Harry! Harry, Wake Up!" Harry was jerked awake by Ron. "You were having a nightmare, mate." Rubbing at the spot where Ron had grabbed him, Harry blinked blearily at him. "What?"

"You were having a nightmare, murmuring things and looking like you have a fever."

"Murmuring things? What kind of things?"

"Undecipherable nonsense really, couldn't figure out a word. Was it one of _those_ dreams?"

"What!?" Harry felt shocked by the insinuation but Ron merely looked puzzled.

"About You-Know-Who, was it one of those dreams?"

"Oh." Relief washed through Harry. "No, no just a nightmare." He sighed and fell back into his pillow.

"Are you sure you're ok? You look a bit peaky, red faced." Of course I'm bloody red faced, Harry retaliated mentally, I just had a dream about…about…Passing off a shudder as a shiver Harry huddled back into his blanket and lay awake until it was time to go down to breakfast.

Sitting beside Ron at breakfast, Harry risked a glance at the teachers table. Snape was sitting there, looking particularly smug about something in his opinion. He Knows! Harry thought, horrified. In fact I'll bet he made it happen! Sick git…putting things like that in my head. In a silent rage Harry inhaled his breakfast, to Hermione's amazement, faster than Ron before stomping out of the Great Hall. "Stupid Snape…" He grumbled, "Him and his stupid legilimency and can't even tell stupid Dumbledore cause he won't bloody look at me. Wouldn't believe me anyway…stupid Snape." Harry kicked at anything in the corridor that jutted out in front of him until a silky smooth voice cut into his disorganised thoughts. "Mr. Potter, damaging school property are we? Tut tut, you're setting a terrible example for the other students." A swift glance up and down the hall made Harry uncomfortably aware that there were no other students. "Excuse me Professor." He grumbled and tried to continue.

"I must say you look awful, perhaps I kept you up too late last night?" A smirk formed on Snape's pale face while Harry burned crimson. "Just leave me alone, _sir_." The honorative was forced past Harry's lips in a hiss. "What's this? Not a morning person, Potter? No, you like it at night don't you when you can sneak around unseen."

"Look! I know you put that disgusting dream in my head so piss off Snape!" Snape was temporarily stunned, something Harry hadn't expected. The potion master's arms were trembling with rage. "What-have-I-told-you-about-addressing-teachers-that-way!?" He snarled, grabbing Harry's sleeve. "I don't know what you're talking about but nothing short of _death_ gives you the right to speak to me like that. Understood?" Harry nodded dumbly, staring back into Snape's boiling black eyes with terror. "In fact," Snape continued, "Why don't I find out what you're talking about?" Too confused to even remember occlumency let alone try to use it, Harry caved immediately under Snape's spell. When he properly regained consciousness again Snape had retreated a few steps and was staring at Harry with round eyes. "Class…go…now." He managed to say, pointing up the corridor, before turning and sweeping off in the opposite direction.

Why did Snape have to know? Why? Why!? Harry was getting more annoyed by the second. Was he ever going to have any secrets from the potions master again? It was only now that Harry understood why it felt like Snape could read your mind…he could. "Are you alright dear?" Trelawney peered down from her attic classroom. "Er, don't I have class here now?" Harry felt pretty sure his brain had evaporated into something resembling the foggy contents of a crystal ball, a sensation definitely amplified by the incense wafting down. "I should think not, dear boy. It's Saturday."

"Oh…thank you professor." Slightly dizzy, Harry stumbled down the stairs and headed for Gryffindor tower. "Harry, where on earth have you been?" Hermione quickly dropped her book and ran over to him. "Oh you look awful, what's wrong?"

"Nothing Hermione, I'm fine. I'm just a little…confused this morning. I thought it was Thursday, went up to Divination."

"Honestly Harry I don't know why you even-" A swift look and Hermione dropped the subject mid sentence. "Well, I think you should go to see Madam Pomfrey. You don't look well at all."

"Thank you Hermione for saying that to me for the _fourth_ time today."

"Well," Hermione felt a little offended, "I would think that only proves my point." She suddenly felt guilty for shouting at him when he looked so miserable. "Won't you tell me what's bothering you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can't!"

"Why!?" Harry slammed his fist on the arm of the chair and tensed all over. Slightly frightened, Hermione shifted away from him. With barely achieved control Harry growled through gritted teeth, "I don't want to talk about it, okay?" Then he stamped on every stair up to his dormitory.

That evening, feeling like he severely needed to vomit, Harry slipped out of Gryffindor tower without a word and headed to his detention with Snape. He was unspeakably angry that Snape had not called the detentions off and sick at the thought of the humiliation he was about to be subjected to. Sliding quietly into the classroom, no matter how softly Harry tried to close the door it always slammed unnecessarily loudly. Still flinching, he looked over his shoulder at Snape. Snape was looking at him but his expression seemed…blank. "Sit down, continue where you left off last night." He said before turning back to his own task. Harry was, to put it mildly, surprised. He had expected Snape to be standing waiting with a smug grin on his face, picking Harry's brain, making him reveal all the sordid details. Now he was getting the impression Snape wanted to be there as little as he did. With his anger abated, Harry sat down at the same desk and continued copying out the method for the antidote. The atmosphere was brittle. Harry flinched at every scratch of his quill. Snape was scribbling furiously, as if hoping the sound would distract him from thinking. Sitting still for so long was making Harry's limbs hurt but he dared not move. A strange sense of expectancy seemed to be building up inside him. Harry needed to break the tension or he would go insane. He lifted his head, Snape almost crushed the end of his quill. "P-Professor?" Nerves and fear reduced what he had intended to be confidence, into no more than a whisper. It took a moment but Snape eventually looked at him. "Yes, Mr. Potter?" Harry could hear the warning in his voice. "P-Professor Snape, sir, I…I'msorryaboutthewayIspoketoyou," Harry took a deep breath and continued, "both yesterday and in the corridor this morning. I-I've been confused - frustrated recently and - and…" Trailing off into speechlessness Harry managed a final quiet, "I'm sorry." Before shutting up. Please let me go! Harry begged in his mind. Please, I'm sorry and I don't feel very well, just let me leave. With his eyes screwed up as if expecting a blow, Harry heard Snape stand up. The classroom door creaked open and Harry peeked. Snape was standing, still with that blank expression, holding the door open. "You look ill Potter, go to the hospital wing. You shouldn't have come at all if you're sick. Go." Leaning on the desks for support, Harry stood and exited the classroom, only to have his trembling knees buckle under him in the corridor. "Oh in the name of Salazar!" He caught Snape's voice before his head hit the cold stone, knocking him unconscious.

White. Dazzling white. Blinking and squinting Harry felt for his glasses. Pushing them up his nose the Hospital Wing came into focus. "Ah, you're awake." Madam Pomfrey appeared and started taking his temperature and otherwise examining him. "Well, you gave yourself a bit of a bump ignoring a bad tummy but you'll live. You've been through worse and come out the other side relatively unscathed. Mind you, you didn't sleep well I don't think. You've been thrashing all night. I'm always here if you need to talk." She looked at Harry kindly for the last bit before straightening herself out. "Right, you should be perfectly well now. Off you go and get some fresh air."

"Thanks." Harry called as he headed out the door. Halfway to the foyer he bumped into Ron and Hermione. "There you are!" They sighed in unison. "We've been worried about you we have." Ron patted Harry on the shoulder. "You weren't there when I woke up this morning. We were wondering where you'd gone. Only we bumped into McGonagle in the Great Hall we'd still be looking for you."

"I'm fine, I had a bug or something and didn't realise. Collapsed trying to get to the Hospital wing actually." Hermione looked horrified.

"You collapsed? Harry are you sure it isn't something worse? I mean," She started to blush as she realised how her sentence sounded, "it takes a lot to bring you down." She trailed off looking embarrassed and Ron was trying not to laugh. "Madam Pomfrey let me out, I'm fine."

"Ah, Potter." Harry's pleasant mood evaporated in three syllables. "I was just on my way to see you." Ron and Hermione turned to face him standing, almost like bodyguards, in front of Harry. "Don't worry I haven't come to punish you," for some reason he almost sounded disappointed, "I just wanted to inform you that the rest of the duration of you detention has been cancelled. Have a nice day." Harry could have sworn the last part sounded like a threat. He shuddered as Snape swooped off down the corridor and looked at Ron and Hermione. "You know what, forget spiders, I reckon if I had a boggart in front of me right now I'd have to copy Neville." Ron snorted, "There's something you don't think every day, copy Neville."

End


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